1:20 am. what else?

so this weekend is vegas then palm springs. feeling somewhat little girl lost and yet i should be so proud tonight. two exes on the phone and i was valiantly independent with both. that's what everyone wants, right? not someone too needy. not someone who's ready to cross a plank or jump a bridge to prove they care, but someone who pretends to be indifferent who can create desire. i didn't give in to what i was really feeling, and yet can i hold my head that much higher? i'm proud, independent, and curling up by myself tonight. or i could knock on the door next door and curl up with someone i like and feel like i'm giving in, because he will never respect me for it. because admitting emotion or desire is admitting NEED, and god forbid we should need as human beings. but where, dear god, is the happy medium? where is the man who's happy to have someone call him and confess she really wants to be with him, bullshit aside?