little questions

what's with the 3 boxes of empty banana peels on our apartment complex's front lawn? i feel i should ask our downstairs neighbor who i saw eating a banana yesterday. but then, that seems like a lot of bananas for one man...

2:10 am and 2 more things...

allie - with the hour of free time i seemed to have this evening, two not so serious questions: 1. beloved p? and 2. did you really hate me giving away the ending to hide and seek? will you forgive me?

1:20 am. what else?

so this weekend is vegas then palm springs. feeling somewhat little girl lost and yet i should be so proud tonight. two exes on the phone and i was valiantly independent with both. that's what everyone wants, right? not someone too needy. not someone who's ready to cross a plank or jump a bridge to prove they care, but someone who pretends to be indifferent who can create desire. i didn't give in to what i was really feeling, and yet can i hold my head that much higher? i'm proud, independent, and curling up by myself tonight. or i could knock on the door next door and curl up with someone i like and feel like i'm giving in, because he will never respect me for it. because admitting emotion or desire is admitting NEED, and god forbid we should need as human beings. but where, dear god, is the happy medium? where is the man who's happy to have someone call him and confess she really wants to be with him, bullshit aside?

An Homage to Red Dress

My Red Dress won't fit anymore.

It's the end. The end of sexy. SEX! THAT DRESS WAS SEX! Soft red velvet that hugged every curve and just made me feel....ahhhh.

I'm very depressed.

I know this is not "blogger" quality stuff...I'll make up for it when I'm not being monitored.

silver lining

Well on the positive side, i didn't have to make my bed this morning. i slept ON TOP of the covers with one of the decorative pillows under my head. that meant indentations on my face and back for a good portion of the morning. not to mention there was no costume change to pajamas and the make-up was left on the face. for a brief moment before i saw myself i was sad the evening fling hadn't followed me home. then i passed the mirror and realized there is a god and for some reason he loves me enough to keep those mornings just between me and him.

Peter in Patchouli

it's amazing how a single song can so capture a momentary emotion and then carry you through each facet of its sensations until you feel as though the emotion is exhausted. i drove home tonight to ray charles singing Georgia and sat in the car in front of the apartment until the song was over. it clicked. and i don't think it was the words so much as the timbre of his voice. one moment a lullaby and the next a prayer. i wanted to share it with someone but i had already dropped allie at her place and said goodbye to the others. tonight was fun, hanging out with intelligent women who never lack for a good funny story. we were supposed to be playing pool but somehow that was forgotten. instead we talked about the experience of working with someone you find difficult and laughing about alzheimers. my grandma has it - the not funny part- but at some point it becomes necessary to laugh about it or you will combust like the chicken-lady.